(super-locked)
(super-locked)
Things that do not help inertia: Mother having insane and nasty anxiety fit because, omg, ladies group thing tomorrow night at 7pm and Is That Food You Were Going To Cook For Dinner Tonight In The Fridge?!?!
Skipping the insane dialogue that included things like I don't want to have to think about planning things! and Don't make me have to do this right now!
Like, basically, no matter how much I tried to just let her tell me what she wanted, she basically didn't know. So when I asked questions about would specific things be helpful, that didn't accomplish anything, either. Also, I refused to be passive aggressively pushed into doing cleaning for her. Had she been cogent enough to simply ask, I probably would have said no problem. But gaming me into it? Give me a break. (Oh, well, you can cook dinner, but you'll have to clean the kitchen. Which doesn't mean what it sounds like it means.)
Essentially, and my dad had complained about this before, but I had put it down to his occasional exaggeration, she doesn't want anyone in the house, because we dirty. She wants the place cleaned, set up, and hermetically sealed for 48 hours. Lady, you raised 3 kids, and I KNOW you had people over and managed to be fine with having to clean and set up under those conditions. Plus, I know that this is particularly "if you weren't here this wouldn't be a problem" (you being me). Except I also know that, as mentioned, this is one of the things my dad complained about. And I was wrong. He did not exaggerate.
We are dirtying her house because we live here. Even if it was just my dad, there are rules. My dad is allowed to be in his bedroom, their bathroom (which she also resents because if he wasn't physically incapable of using the bathroom upstairs or in the basement she'd totally ask him to so that room, too, could be hermetically sealed for guests), and the enclosed back porch room (it was enclosed with actual walls so it's kind of like a room). We're also allowed to leave the house, although she'd really appreciate it if we could levitate or something so no dirt got on the kitchen floor. The basement is ok but it requires going through the kitchen, so, you know.
She wants no dishes in the dishwasher or dish drainer, nothing in the kitchen sink, the stove must sparkle like a mirror so you better not want hot food or be able to microwave it.
It's insane. She actually resents that there are people here, because we are inconveniencing her. It's not even rational inconvenience, either. We'd totally give her 24 hours of time and space, well, really 36 because we're only allowed to exist again Saturday morning, but whatever. Only that's not enough.
We're totally sympathetic to working around her having guests and wanting to clean and set up and so forth, but she is spending SO MUCH TIME making sure we know that we're a problem, telling us the only help she wants is for us to, essentially, go away. She better be careful what she asks for, because she's getting it.
Things that do not help inertia: Mother having insane and nasty anxiety fit because, omg, ladies group thing tomorrow night at 7pm and Is That Food You Were Going To Cook For Dinner Tonight In The Fridge?!?!
Skipping the insane dialogue that included things like I don't want to have to think about planning things! and Don't make me have to do this right now!
Like, basically, no matter how much I tried to just let her tell me what she wanted, she basically didn't know. So when I asked questions about would specific things be helpful, that didn't accomplish anything, either. Also, I refused to be passive aggressively pushed into doing cleaning for her. Had she been cogent enough to simply ask, I probably would have said no problem. But gaming me into it? Give me a break. (Oh, well, you can cook dinner, but you'll have to clean the kitchen. Which doesn't mean what it sounds like it means.)
Essentially, and my dad had complained about this before, but I had put it down to his occasional exaggeration, she doesn't want anyone in the house, because we dirty. She wants the place cleaned, set up, and hermetically sealed for 48 hours. Lady, you raised 3 kids, and I KNOW you had people over and managed to be fine with having to clean and set up under those conditions. Plus, I know that this is particularly "if you weren't here this wouldn't be a problem" (you being me). Except I also know that, as mentioned, this is one of the things my dad complained about. And I was wrong. He did not exaggerate.
We are dirtying her house because we live here. Even if it was just my dad, there are rules. My dad is allowed to be in his bedroom, their bathroom (which she also resents because if he wasn't physically incapable of using the bathroom upstairs or in the basement she'd totally ask him to so that room, too, could be hermetically sealed for guests), and the enclosed back porch room (it was enclosed with actual walls so it's kind of like a room). We're also allowed to leave the house, although she'd really appreciate it if we could levitate or something so no dirt got on the kitchen floor. The basement is ok but it requires going through the kitchen, so, you know.
She wants no dishes in the dishwasher or dish drainer, nothing in the kitchen sink, the stove must sparkle like a mirror so you better not want hot food or be able to microwave it.
It's insane. She actually resents that there are people here, because we are inconveniencing her. It's not even rational inconvenience, either. We'd totally give her 24 hours of time and space, well, really 36 because we're only allowed to exist again Saturday morning, but whatever. Only that's not enough.
We're totally sympathetic to working around her having guests and wanting to clean and set up and so forth, but she is spending SO MUCH TIME making sure we know that we're a problem, telling us the only help she wants is for us to, essentially, go away. She better be careful what she asks for, because she's getting it.
She is going to get what she wants eventually and she isn't going to like/appreciate it one bit.
ReplyDeleteI admire your father so much for just deciding not to give up. And I admire you for managing to cope in such circumstances.
I'm not sure this is coping, but thank you.
ReplyDeleteYou are alive, you are eating, you are not self-harming. All sounds like coping to me.
ReplyDeleteAh. Well, yes. It feels terribly bottom-line, but what the hell. It's better than the alternative.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure you didn't move in with my mother? * hugs *
ReplyDeleteOmg, I am so sorry Stefanie Fiskaa. :)
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I joke, but that is what our life was like growing up. You can totally get through this it's just going to take a bit
ReplyDelete