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Pain meds got upped last night after:
1) The doctor called Saturday to clarify something in the records that would have precluded pain meds (I swear this guy is something else - he was working on Saturday when he technically is still supposed to be on vacation), and he sent the Rx to the pharmacy.
2) The pharmacy argued with the insurance company Sat pm to Sun pm.
3) My mother's controlling bullshit got shot down. Like, she starts from the place normal people go where there are completely reasonable questions and concerns, and then tries to verbally bully and browbeat everyone to make herself "right" somehow.
A lot of this is inflexibility, which turns into some sort of perseveration, because I think she has a hard time keeping track of things when there is change going on, especially rapid and unpredictable change. Again, something a lot of people have issues with but when you are causing real harm to yourself and others, it's passed the normal/ordinary and moved into dysfunctional and damaging. Anyway, I took care of it. So exhausting.
The med has helped, but with several side effects that we need to deal with. Which has already precipitated another fight with my mother. And it will probably lead to more.
There was another period of addressing suicidal thoughts that my mother is totally clueless about. It was not completely separate from one of her hissy controlling fits yesterday. I find these moments deeply challenging. Among other things because I refuse to allow any of my feelings to interfere with being available to help my dad in those moments, and allow him total space for his feelings and thoughts because I know that that is what is needed. In those moments, it's not about me. It's just ... hard. I very briefly discussed this with my sister and we both almost lost it.
I'm super tired, from lack of sleep, from fighting with my mom, and oh, right, somewhere I get to have feelings about what is happening with my dad?
#fsckcancer
Pain meds got upped last night after:
1) The doctor called Saturday to clarify something in the records that would have precluded pain meds (I swear this guy is something else - he was working on Saturday when he technically is still supposed to be on vacation), and he sent the Rx to the pharmacy.
2) The pharmacy argued with the insurance company Sat pm to Sun pm.
3) My mother's controlling bullshit got shot down. Like, she starts from the place normal people go where there are completely reasonable questions and concerns, and then tries to verbally bully and browbeat everyone to make herself "right" somehow.
A lot of this is inflexibility, which turns into some sort of perseveration, because I think she has a hard time keeping track of things when there is change going on, especially rapid and unpredictable change. Again, something a lot of people have issues with but when you are causing real harm to yourself and others, it's passed the normal/ordinary and moved into dysfunctional and damaging. Anyway, I took care of it. So exhausting.
The med has helped, but with several side effects that we need to deal with. Which has already precipitated another fight with my mother. And it will probably lead to more.
There was another period of addressing suicidal thoughts that my mother is totally clueless about. It was not completely separate from one of her hissy controlling fits yesterday. I find these moments deeply challenging. Among other things because I refuse to allow any of my feelings to interfere with being available to help my dad in those moments, and allow him total space for his feelings and thoughts because I know that that is what is needed. In those moments, it's not about me. It's just ... hard. I very briefly discussed this with my sister and we both almost lost it.
I'm super tired, from lack of sleep, from fighting with my mom, and oh, right, somewhere I get to have feelings about what is happening with my dad?
#fsckcancer
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