Ok.

Ok. So, definitely over the evil influenza. Just about over but still dealing with GI side effects from tamiflu. Thus am still taking several medications for my stomach. Fun times. Hope that goes away completely very soon.

Am, obviously, still dealing with shock around garbage surrounding dad's death. It takes a long time to process that stuff. Surprise. Even more surprising - so.much.anger. Like, wow. Also, of course, very down about my dad. But haven't had space to start processing that because ill, of course, but mostly because assholes and funeral and so forth.

Finally got a hold of the hospice bereavement services people and have appt to meet with someone next week. They never actually followed up with me and still have not followed up and contacted anyone else (they're supposed to but haven't) except my mother, so I am going to have a little chat with them about that to start with. It's not support if a month after the death you haven't done anything except assume the wife is the only person to talk to. And you're so wrong about that it's not even worth discussing.

I am actually stressed out about the appt because I am, frankly, kind of tired of having to explain that they can stuff the usual fantasies about wonderful, supportive families and other nonsense. Please also stuff the soft tones and soft voices and other stereotypical business and just talk to me. Better yet, listen and hear me. It's exhausting, it's work for me, and it's irritating. Plus, it appears that it is not a norm to have this fantasy family and plenty of situations are bad or worse. Here's hoping I can find someone to help me deal with that reality and stop trying to force the other one.

So, yeah. I really hope they have people with enough experience to be useful and not stupid. I am feeling very judgy and on edge.