G+ Migration Blog

TIL. Long before there was #helping, there was #helping. The assumptions, arrogance, and ignorance of white, western culture did tremendous amounts of damage so many places. Even when they thought they were "saving" or "helping" non-white, non-western (culturally) peoples. The second link with the picture is an article that's a brief overview of the question of genocide, whether cultural or literal, and some history and legal wrangling. The first link is the published research paper from discussions with the people directly affected - the Ahiarmiut. What a novel concept. Of course, those discussions were something like 50 years later. It's absolutely appalling and if you read it, trigger warnings for all kinds of issues, including sexual, psychological, and other abuse and graphic descriptions of death from starvation. I was also offended by the way white people made up stories about the non-white people because they simply had to demonize them for being dif...

I taught my 4 year old nephew to say "perspicacious". Except for a tiny bit of lisp that small kids can have, he can say it, too. I told him to say it to adults and expect them to look confused. He liked that. #helping

- locked - Ok. Survived hospice meeting. Omg, my mother cannot keep her mouth shut. She cannot not be the center of attention. She even tried to mess with me and I just said nope, hospice is here to talk with dad, we're here to listen. (See: things which should not be a burn but are a burn) Besides, what the hell am I going to say? My mother is a controlling bitch? My father is ill and sometimes his recollections are not precise, especially as he becomes untethered from time? She STILL had to say something that could have sabotaged my dad's care, just so she could look important and in charge. She was actually unhappy that I did not butt in and talk a lot. P.S. It turns out my crazy SIL gave my dad some "natural" spray oil thing with CBD in it. Which isn't even for what she gave it to him for (she apparently said it was for pain, and it's specifically for muscle aches, which is seriously stretching a point, here). My dad took it out and asked the doctor if i...

- locked - So, the holiday was pretty stressful, although I did successfully orchestrate the actual Day. Not sure how many years that took off my life, though. Fallout, of course, continues. Things that occurred during the week long period of family togetherness, in no particular order: - My brother had a little rage attack at me. Of course, at me and not the person actually causing the anger. During dinner. At least nobody tried to say it was ok for once. - My SIL sent my mother a book on cognitive behavioral therapy as part of her xmas present. #helping This is not the first time my SIL has done this sort of thing. So much passive aggressive crap in this family. - My brother and SIL brought all the holiday presents now because just sending them in the mail wouldn't be as fun as getting to give them to us. And arranged for the theater of giving play with my mother, who loves this garbage of performing family. Let's pretend! - Upon which my mother promptly decided that even ...

#helping https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/03/09/592475047/no-go-for-idaho-state-will-have-to-rethink-its-freedom-health-policies https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/03/09/592475047/no-go-for-idaho-state-will-have-to-rethink-its-freedom-health-policies

- locked - a bit of venting Mom is sometimes the very essence of #helping. Setting: dinner table Mom: Does radiation cause swelling? Dad: Why? Mom: Because that looks bigger. ... ... ... How does one explain that telling a cancer patient that their tumor looks obviously bigger from the other side of a dining table 3 days into a month of radiation treatments they will be getting every day is not only not helpful, it's a straight up insensitive shitty thing to do?  She might as well have said, "Is that the cancer, or does your face always look like that?" Because the distress of no cancer patient, ever, included what it was doing to their appearance, as well as their ability to function. Or, you know, why didn't I do something sooner, or what if this had happened this other way, or what horrible effects is the cancer having on me, or what horrible side-effects of treatment will hit me when, or a whole lot of other things that make them vulnerable to other people being h...

My brother and sister-in-law. Walking, talking examples of a "well intentioned ass". Not to mention totally lacking in insight as to how this relates to being self-serving. I mean, I get how certain things I do are because they are rooted in or address my own issues. Though I wonder a lot now, about how much clueless doing something for somebody else I've done in my life. The insensitive and obnoxious side of that is really grating. I hereby apologize to anyone to whom I've ever done that. Meanwhile, my hard-won self-insight is not helping with the happy, jolly idiots of the world. People whose lives are examples of #helping. People who are, in fact, making things very unpleasant and difficult for me and my parents, right now, while they are trying to 'help". Thanks for adding to the stress, anger, and general misery, folks. Do go on with your bad selves. I know having family is supposed to be better than the alternative. I do. Would someone please remind me ...

Am bad person. Laughed out loud hearing my mom try to scold my dad into how to turn off "Sirius" on his ipad air. Which she didn't know, btw. (He didn't know how it got turned on and she was #helping.)

Made my mistake for the day, already. I didn't sleep last night, I'm still recovering from being so sick, and for whatever reason my back is hurting this morning. Which is my big excuse for not monitoring my brain before my mouth got open. My dad asked somebody to get him something to eat, and my mom was doing it, but since I was standing there, I asked if she wanted me to get a dish. You know, in some benighted #helping thought process. And she, in her inimitable idiom, went ahead with ... it only needs one person, don't get into the middle of, it's not necessary for people to ... and, stupidly, my mouth opened up and, "I don't need a lecture, I'm going." came out in this weary sort of tone. I respond well to things like nope, I'm good, thanks, or just no. 'Cuz that's my idiom. It's not my mom's. I know this, and normally I just shut up or say ok or whatever, but not today. Oh, well. This one's totally on me, 'cuz I know be...

Having a full blown technical understanding of the crazy inherent in a situation, i.e., this is normal in these circumstances, does not, in fact, help as much as you might like it to when you are in the middle of said circumstances. The least offensive illustrative example I can think of with this is the Cookie Baking Conundrum, a subset of the Donna Reed Phenomenon. Iow, somehow, my mother's brain thinks if she can make some stab at turning some tiny part of anything into a 1950's perfect house beautiful tableau, it will make her feel better. Not that that's her conscious thought process. Realities of the situation mean that there is stuff in a quasi-organized fashion all over the dining table and the kitchen counters. It just is, because. Maybe 2% of this is my contribution, because I needed to keep some separate information organized so I'd know what was what and where if I needed it when #helping. Of the other 98%, half is my mother's and half is my father's...