Let’s play a game!
Let’s play a game! When I told my mom (who opened the door to this) that when people hurt me I get to say so (to the person doing the hurting), guess what she said? No, wait. I’ll make it easy. Was she supportive, yes or no?
Hint: I have been informed it is too great a burden to consider anyone else’s feelings at this time when she should be focused only on herself and her terrible loss. Translation: her feelings, my brother’s feelings, and my SIL’s feelings are terribly important. I, my sister, and my niece can go stuff ourselves because we burden her.
Just for fun, later she was meandering from dealing with the now onto topics like returning urinals and after a few minutes I said that at the moment, those weren’t really things I was prioritizing. She found this problematic so I said, “At the moment, I am more concerned with mourning my father’s death.”
Then I got to watch her struggle to keep her mouth shut and not say anything inappropriate to me. But she did end the conversation in no uncertain terms.
I’d been home maybe an hour.
Hint: I have been informed it is too great a burden to consider anyone else’s feelings at this time when she should be focused only on herself and her terrible loss. Translation: her feelings, my brother’s feelings, and my SIL’s feelings are terribly important. I, my sister, and my niece can go stuff ourselves because we burden her.
Just for fun, later she was meandering from dealing with the now onto topics like returning urinals and after a few minutes I said that at the moment, those weren’t really things I was prioritizing. She found this problematic so I said, “At the moment, I am more concerned with mourning my father’s death.”
Then I got to watch her struggle to keep her mouth shut and not say anything inappropriate to me. But she did end the conversation in no uncertain terms.
I’d been home maybe an hour.
hug
ReplyDeletesupport
ReplyDeleteIs there some sort of “girls aren’t important because they don’t carry on the family name” undercurrent there or is it just random that she is more considerate of your brother (and even his wife!) than her daughters?
ReplyDeleteIt’s sad when people get so broken. And it sucks that you’re the one dealing with her spreading it around.
It’s definitely not random. Some of it is rooted in the pervasive persistence of patriarchy in general so that it becomes habit rather than thought. Some of it is rooted in her family’s particular dysfunction. Some of it is probably her insecurity. Some of it is my brother’s absorption of cultural toxic masculinity. Some of it is probably heading along the spectrum of mental and emotional illness for all 3 - mom, brother, his wife.
ReplyDelete