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My mother does this thing where she says, "I need to eat." Because she is hungry but also because she is probably so far past the point when she should have eaten that she is now nauseated, woozy and dizzy, or about to pass out. She says, "I need to eat," and everyone says ok, go eat we will take care of anything if anything comes up. Not that there is usually anything to actually worry about but whatever.
An hour and a half later she has still not eaten, and now there is something going on and other people are taking care of it but if she leaves she won't be able to make sure she's in the middle of whatever it is that is going on. So she won't leave. While repeating the I need to eat mantra. This is a long standing behavior of hers. Mostly, under prior status quo, we just ignored her.
Now, though, it's more of a problem. After an hour and a half of nonsense and finally in the middle of something that needs attention, I finally say, "GO EAT." It works if you repeat it three times.
What I want to say is, "No, you do not fucking need to eat because if you needed to eat you would have fucking eaten so either go eat or shut up and don't expect me to pick you up off the floor when you pass out!!"
So far, my prefrontal cortex seems to be working to control that impulse and I have not turned into Bilbo when seeing Frodo with the ring in Rivendell.
She does this all the time, but right now it is particularly annoying. Plus, even though it is possible to make her go after you have to raise your voice at her, she comes back repeatedly, because, as you know, no one else is capable of doing anything, not to mention if she isn't in personal control of everything her anxiety and paranoia is uncontrollable.
I just walk away, anymore, unless there's a truly life-threatening situation. But the eye-rolling is getting hard to control.
My mother does this thing where she says, "I need to eat." Because she is hungry but also because she is probably so far past the point when she should have eaten that she is now nauseated, woozy and dizzy, or about to pass out. She says, "I need to eat," and everyone says ok, go eat we will take care of anything if anything comes up. Not that there is usually anything to actually worry about but whatever.
An hour and a half later she has still not eaten, and now there is something going on and other people are taking care of it but if she leaves she won't be able to make sure she's in the middle of whatever it is that is going on. So she won't leave. While repeating the I need to eat mantra. This is a long standing behavior of hers. Mostly, under prior status quo, we just ignored her.
Now, though, it's more of a problem. After an hour and a half of nonsense and finally in the middle of something that needs attention, I finally say, "GO EAT." It works if you repeat it three times.
What I want to say is, "No, you do not fucking need to eat because if you needed to eat you would have fucking eaten so either go eat or shut up and don't expect me to pick you up off the floor when you pass out!!"
So far, my prefrontal cortex seems to be working to control that impulse and I have not turned into Bilbo when seeing Frodo with the ring in Rivendell.
She does this all the time, but right now it is particularly annoying. Plus, even though it is possible to make her go after you have to raise your voice at her, she comes back repeatedly, because, as you know, no one else is capable of doing anything, not to mention if she isn't in personal control of everything her anxiety and paranoia is uncontrollable.
I just walk away, anymore, unless there's a truly life-threatening situation. But the eye-rolling is getting hard to control.
The enabler in me reads that behavior as someone wanting someone else to stop whatever it is they are doing and make food for them, so they don't have to bother taking care of themselves.
ReplyDeleteI suspect that is an even less desirable option, as she would not only find fault in whatever was made for her, it would be encouraging the behavior with a positive result. Really not a good option here, but I have been there and I 100% understand the frustration of that situation.
This is a thing I do as well. I’m sure it’s highly irritating even when it’s not a situation as fraught as yours, though.
ReplyDelete(At least in my case, hyperfocus leads to missing the golden window for eating before function becomes impaired, and then I’m so distractable that a changing air current can make me forget what I was doing in between arriving in the kitchen and reaching the pantry.)
Amanda Heyen is also right, though. Fortunately these days I’ve mostly eradicated that aspect from my own behavior, once I realized it was happening. If only your mother could do the same.
ReplyDeleteIt is true that the worse her anxiety issues, the more attention deficit-like her behavior becomes, so she will run off and do absolutely anything except the most pressing thing that needs to be done. And frequently finish none of them. Not that this means her controlling and manipulative behaviors aren't operative at all times.
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