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Woke up still triggered by my confrontation with my mom yesterday. Spoke to a couple people for hours yesterday night, which calmed me way down and I went to bed, but man, woke up totally feeling triggered and threatened.
Thing is, the original issue with her had to do with my dad suddenly losing his hearing. Which is a thing that has happened and is problematic. But she kept up with other things and finally decided that she wanted me to join her in her campaign to throw away my dad before he's dead.
That includes several things, but in particular she wants me to agree that we should get rid of her car and then if I have to drive my dad around, she can take my car. Note, she will not be driving him around. I've learned to pick up on her not so subtle little comments.
So, first of all, he's not dead. Psychologically, it's very important for him to have freedom of movement - that's a long standing thing for reasons. It's also important right now because even if he is dying, that doesn't mean he should totally quit trying to be anything more than a trapped, helpless person. Quality of life is still a thing, even for dying people.
Second of all, she has needed a new car for 2 years and refused to get one. She wanted my dad to just go and get her one. She kept telling him (and sometimes me) to go test drive cars for her. Except she has to sit in the car and drive it herself because aside from all the normal stuff, she has a vary particular way of wanting to sit in a car and I can't be in a car in that position, so I have no way of telling her (I literally cannot get into a car in the position she sets the driver's seat). My dad, until this chemo, was measurably taller than my mom, so, again, doesn't matter if he can drive the car. My dad did do the checking and came up with a short list of cars she should test. Since he wasn't going to browbeat her into going and testing them, she never did. Now, she plain old won't.
Her new reason? Oh, I'll be destitute when he dies and I can't afford to pay for three cars. Because naturally, when he dies, she will still keep both of their cars ... also, she will not be destitute. Also, that is the time to get rid of her car, but let's not logic.
Lastly, like hell she's driving my car. I bought and paid for it and I take care of it and aside from all that, she is not as good a driver as my dad, who has driven my car in the past. She piles all sorts of crap in cars, among other things, and she isn't moving that into my car, either. Not to mention the time to learn how to drive an unfamiliar car is not the fall (slippery, wet leaves) or winter (ice, snow, low visibility, etc.) I know she thinks she's entitled to everything and then some, but not my car.
The epilogue to throwing away my dad is that she also wants the apricot trees gone. Basically, transference of her antipathy toward my dad toward the trees. If she wants to have them properly removed in the spring, she can do that. But she wants to do it stupidly by destroying the trees in bits and pieces and since she physically can't and doesn't really know what to discuss with the arborist she's making shit up and trying to get me to do things. I told her she isn't doing anything this fall partly because the trees are a size that if she does something stupid and they die in the fall or winter, they do become a hazard for falling trees or at least their branches.
She is bent on throwing away everything that is my dad or is associated with my dad before he dies. Shocking that I feel triggered and threatened by her, don't you think?
Woke up still triggered by my confrontation with my mom yesterday. Spoke to a couple people for hours yesterday night, which calmed me way down and I went to bed, but man, woke up totally feeling triggered and threatened.
Thing is, the original issue with her had to do with my dad suddenly losing his hearing. Which is a thing that has happened and is problematic. But she kept up with other things and finally decided that she wanted me to join her in her campaign to throw away my dad before he's dead.
That includes several things, but in particular she wants me to agree that we should get rid of her car and then if I have to drive my dad around, she can take my car. Note, she will not be driving him around. I've learned to pick up on her not so subtle little comments.
So, first of all, he's not dead. Psychologically, it's very important for him to have freedom of movement - that's a long standing thing for reasons. It's also important right now because even if he is dying, that doesn't mean he should totally quit trying to be anything more than a trapped, helpless person. Quality of life is still a thing, even for dying people.
Second of all, she has needed a new car for 2 years and refused to get one. She wanted my dad to just go and get her one. She kept telling him (and sometimes me) to go test drive cars for her. Except she has to sit in the car and drive it herself because aside from all the normal stuff, she has a vary particular way of wanting to sit in a car and I can't be in a car in that position, so I have no way of telling her (I literally cannot get into a car in the position she sets the driver's seat). My dad, until this chemo, was measurably taller than my mom, so, again, doesn't matter if he can drive the car. My dad did do the checking and came up with a short list of cars she should test. Since he wasn't going to browbeat her into going and testing them, she never did. Now, she plain old won't.
Her new reason? Oh, I'll be destitute when he dies and I can't afford to pay for three cars. Because naturally, when he dies, she will still keep both of their cars ... also, she will not be destitute. Also, that is the time to get rid of her car, but let's not logic.
Lastly, like hell she's driving my car. I bought and paid for it and I take care of it and aside from all that, she is not as good a driver as my dad, who has driven my car in the past. She piles all sorts of crap in cars, among other things, and she isn't moving that into my car, either. Not to mention the time to learn how to drive an unfamiliar car is not the fall (slippery, wet leaves) or winter (ice, snow, low visibility, etc.) I know she thinks she's entitled to everything and then some, but not my car.
The epilogue to throwing away my dad is that she also wants the apricot trees gone. Basically, transference of her antipathy toward my dad toward the trees. If she wants to have them properly removed in the spring, she can do that. But she wants to do it stupidly by destroying the trees in bits and pieces and since she physically can't and doesn't really know what to discuss with the arborist she's making shit up and trying to get me to do things. I told her she isn't doing anything this fall partly because the trees are a size that if she does something stupid and they die in the fall or winter, they do become a hazard for falling trees or at least their branches.
She is bent on throwing away everything that is my dad or is associated with my dad before he dies. Shocking that I feel triggered and threatened by her, don't you think?
I'm glad you were able to get some sleep. Sorry waking up was still unhappy.
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