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This is locked to a small group mostly because I do not want to be thoughtless of someone else, who is having a worse thing.
About 6 weeks ago, my dad started having pain in his shoulder, around the same time as he had a tooth infection. The head and neck radiation he previously received led to osteoporosis/necrosis that sometimes results in tooth issues.
At first, we decided it might be muscular and unrelated, so dad got some massage therapy and treated it like it was just that. Then he started having pain in his lower back on the same side. This happened over a couple of weeks. When he told me about how this was happening, and that it was bad enough he thought he had a kidney infection, I had the sudden and very upsetting conclusion that the shoulder pain was referred pain. I won't explain the medical of why I thought that and was upset. However, he called his urologist at that point and his urologist was wonderful about seeing him in less than a week and then immediately scheduling an ultrasound.
The kidney was fine, but the ultrasound showed some concerning things that led to calls to the primary, the oncologist, and an attempt to schedule a PET scan. This all took time, compounded by his oncologist going out of town at this exact moment for the only two weeks off he ever takes per year. Cue waiting for paperwork and other things.
By week 4, we had to get him in to see his primary because he had been in so much pain he wasn't sleeping or eating for over a week. Initially, the primary wanted it to be muscular so only gave him a medrol dose-pak, which worked the first 2 days to take the edge off but nothing else. This confirmed my concerns because that treats swelling and inflammation. I think somewhere in here, my dad was coming to similar conclusions to mine.
4 days after the dose-pak the primary agreed to start him on the lowest possible dose of pain med plus extra tylenol. We struggled through that weekend with a lot of staying up, using hot and cold packs and massages and manipulations. The primary really didn't want to give him drugs, because drugs. Dad tried to not take drugs. This did not go well.
He had the PET scan last week, and the primary gave him a brief summary, because he was really supposed to wait for the oncologist, but the oncologist wasn't back until today. The primary was still reluctant about upping pain meds, so gave him high dose steroids to add. This worked for about 1.5 days. After we came close to ending up in the ER twice, they upped the meds. A little, but enough to get my dad through to this morning, when he saw the oncologist.
The PET scan is positive for multiple new locations for cancer. Dad is scheduled for a biopsy under sedation Monday. The oncologist is putting him on strong pain meds.
The only thing I'm going to say about my mother in all this is that despite moments of decency, she is still, overall, an asshole and you can guess from some of what you've heard me say before. At some point I will probably vent about some specific stuff because if it continues, she and I are going to have an ugly confrontation.
I will say one other thing, here. My dad and I both kind of knew what the tiny bit of info the primary gave us about the PET scan results meant, even without specifics. Thank god my mother was not here at the time. My dad basically asked me to remove certain things so he did not have the means to commit suicide, and I stayed with him until he got past that. My mother does not know and will never know from me, because I do not trust her not to use it as a weapon against him. But it would be nice to not have to carry this alone.
Which is why I am individually and as a group grateful beyond words for all of you. #fsckcancer
This is locked to a small group mostly because I do not want to be thoughtless of someone else, who is having a worse thing.
About 6 weeks ago, my dad started having pain in his shoulder, around the same time as he had a tooth infection. The head and neck radiation he previously received led to osteoporosis/necrosis that sometimes results in tooth issues.
At first, we decided it might be muscular and unrelated, so dad got some massage therapy and treated it like it was just that. Then he started having pain in his lower back on the same side. This happened over a couple of weeks. When he told me about how this was happening, and that it was bad enough he thought he had a kidney infection, I had the sudden and very upsetting conclusion that the shoulder pain was referred pain. I won't explain the medical of why I thought that and was upset. However, he called his urologist at that point and his urologist was wonderful about seeing him in less than a week and then immediately scheduling an ultrasound.
The kidney was fine, but the ultrasound showed some concerning things that led to calls to the primary, the oncologist, and an attempt to schedule a PET scan. This all took time, compounded by his oncologist going out of town at this exact moment for the only two weeks off he ever takes per year. Cue waiting for paperwork and other things.
By week 4, we had to get him in to see his primary because he had been in so much pain he wasn't sleeping or eating for over a week. Initially, the primary wanted it to be muscular so only gave him a medrol dose-pak, which worked the first 2 days to take the edge off but nothing else. This confirmed my concerns because that treats swelling and inflammation. I think somewhere in here, my dad was coming to similar conclusions to mine.
4 days after the dose-pak the primary agreed to start him on the lowest possible dose of pain med plus extra tylenol. We struggled through that weekend with a lot of staying up, using hot and cold packs and massages and manipulations. The primary really didn't want to give him drugs, because drugs. Dad tried to not take drugs. This did not go well.
He had the PET scan last week, and the primary gave him a brief summary, because he was really supposed to wait for the oncologist, but the oncologist wasn't back until today. The primary was still reluctant about upping pain meds, so gave him high dose steroids to add. This worked for about 1.5 days. After we came close to ending up in the ER twice, they upped the meds. A little, but enough to get my dad through to this morning, when he saw the oncologist.
The PET scan is positive for multiple new locations for cancer. Dad is scheduled for a biopsy under sedation Monday. The oncologist is putting him on strong pain meds.
The only thing I'm going to say about my mother in all this is that despite moments of decency, she is still, overall, an asshole and you can guess from some of what you've heard me say before. At some point I will probably vent about some specific stuff because if it continues, she and I are going to have an ugly confrontation.
I will say one other thing, here. My dad and I both kind of knew what the tiny bit of info the primary gave us about the PET scan results meant, even without specifics. Thank god my mother was not here at the time. My dad basically asked me to remove certain things so he did not have the means to commit suicide, and I stayed with him until he got past that. My mother does not know and will never know from me, because I do not trust her not to use it as a weapon against him. But it would be nice to not have to carry this alone.
Which is why I am individually and as a group grateful beyond words for all of you. #fsckcancer
You know you have all and whatever support you need from me.
ReplyDelete((hugs & love))
Shit. That sucks from top to bottom. Love you.
ReplyDeleteOh frankie lynn.
ReplyDeleteOh, darlin. We're here for you.
ReplyDelete