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I am leaving tomorrow to come pet sit for my sister. God willing nothing happens to prevent or complicate this. My mother is nuts and I am seriously thinking about digging out my old ipod so I can covertly record her (not sure how long the memo function runs, but it should work for this). Not to confront her, because that ship won't dock. As a form of protection and insurance in case, Eru forbid, she really crosses that last nanometer.

She refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem. Well, that she has a problem. Therefore, will not seek help. When directly confronted with her harm by the harmed, she deflects, defers, and defends herself. I presume she is fearful or anxious, but she has pushed everyone into survival mode and still won't accept her role.

She exploded over essentially nothing Tuesday and did it where I could witness, although I suspect part of her loss of self control meant she literally lost all awareness of my presence. My dad left overnight for his own safety, which I supported. He came back the next day. Meanwhile, ever since then, my mother has been trying to co-opt me into her entirely self-focused and very warped reality. Which I have refused.

As such, I have been openly labeled a rival for my father's relationship, among other things. Having vastly more insight than she, it's not news to me that she sees me as a rival and has done for some time. Quite possibly going back to my childhood, frankly, but let's not worry about that for now. Basically, she has discovered that she can no longer control me, and she is not ok with that.

Meanwhile, if rivalry means my father doesn't feel abused and threatened by me, and still believes he can trust me, then fine. That doesn't make me a rival, though. Just a normal, decent human. The fact that she has positioned herself on the opposite side of those things, but blames me, my father, and basically everyone and anyone other than herself is very telling.

She has been at my father and I both ever since the blow-up on Tuesday. She had another hissy fit this morning when she decided that my dad had rejected her again for me because I offered to pick him up after he dropped her car at the mechanic. The problem with this is that believing that requires a selective adjustment in what he actually said to her when he said he'd take the shuttle instead of her picking him up.

Maybe she literally didn't hear him correctly. Doesn't matter, because it means that what she chooses to fill in is automatically about how everyone is mean to her. She default assumes everyone is out to hurt, disrespect, or reject her. It is a vastly distorted form of reality. And she acts on that by attacking, threatening, and abusing people. As if that was the best way to deal with it even if people were out to get her. Which we aren't. As I said to her directly a couple weeks ago, "Like I'd waste my time." Yes, the latest blow up was Tuesday, but she's been a problem since right before New Year's. And yes, I told her directly that if I really had that much of a problem with someone, I would not waste my time abusing them, I'd just not have anything to do with them. Apparently, I still have some self-respect.

So that's been my January.

As long as she doesn't attack my dad or I again today or tomorrow, I will be pet sitting in Ann Arbor as of Sunday.