- very locked -
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I don't know if I told all of you, but I am working with a counselor. It will eventually facilitate me moving through this particular phase of my life in a constructive manner. In theory. Meanwhile, it's very hard to deal with some of this. Since I am now "allowed" to be angry, it turns out there's a lot of angry from, like, my entire previous life that I was not allowed. It's a little difficult to process all of that. When we work on bits of stuff it can drag on for days afterwards while my brain and body are trying to process through it.
It would be helpful if I could dump some of it here, even though sometimes that will be repetitive. However, you guys have your own garbage to deal with so maybe this is not something you want to see. Also, I am trying to find a safe space to sort of spew into, so to speak, because a lot of this is ugly and I also have issues with what other people think and I should always be "nice" and so on.
The worst thing I could do is curl up in a ball and not crawl out of it, but the other thing about processing all of this is I am just so tired. Counselor says this is in no small part due to the burden of what is being processed and that processing it and trying to overwrite a lifetime of patterning is work and that bodies reflect how hard that work is.
Plus life in general totally sucks, right now. My life, the country, the world, you know. I have the opposite of so much energy. And I have no tolerance for so many things, anymore. I don't know how to express that constructively, but no tolerance. No. Effing. Tolerance.
So, you know. Woo.
I don't know if I told all of you, but I am working with a counselor. It will eventually facilitate me moving through this particular phase of my life in a constructive manner. In theory. Meanwhile, it's very hard to deal with some of this. Since I am now "allowed" to be angry, it turns out there's a lot of angry from, like, my entire previous life that I was not allowed. It's a little difficult to process all of that. When we work on bits of stuff it can drag on for days afterwards while my brain and body are trying to process through it.
It would be helpful if I could dump some of it here, even though sometimes that will be repetitive. However, you guys have your own garbage to deal with so maybe this is not something you want to see. Also, I am trying to find a safe space to sort of spew into, so to speak, because a lot of this is ugly and I also have issues with what other people think and I should always be "nice" and so on.
The worst thing I could do is curl up in a ball and not crawl out of it, but the other thing about processing all of this is I am just so tired. Counselor says this is in no small part due to the burden of what is being processed and that processing it and trying to overwrite a lifetime of patterning is work and that bodies reflect how hard that work is.
Plus life in general totally sucks, right now. My life, the country, the world, you know. I have the opposite of so much energy. And I have no tolerance for so many things, anymore. I don't know how to express that constructively, but no tolerance. No. Effing. Tolerance.
So, you know. Woo.
I am entirely willing to be part of your safe space sounding board. You're right that I have my own shit to deal with but I'm always able to listen, at least, even when I don't have anything to say.
ReplyDeleteSafe, listening ear here.
ReplyDelete