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Well, that was pleasant. Mom and I had a talk because a thing happened and I decided that we were going to have A Talk because I've had enough.*
So we had A Talk and it ended up taking about 4 hours of our lives that we will neither of us ever get back. Upshot being that she is an angry, anxious, bitter person who has not adjusted to the random and unhoped for state of her life. She would apparently be happier alone per her statements. She definitely resents me being here and is jealous that I can talk to my dad more easily than she at this point in time. She is very angry that life has not made everything work out for everyone (join the club? shit happens?). And holy buffalo chips, batman, does she have a decades long list of resentments. Jimminy Christmas.
Meanwhile, as a friend of mine pointed out recently, I was being the adult (which, btw, frakking sucks when you have to do that with your parent) and did a lot more listening than talking. This took effort. Especially since when I did try to say something she didn't want to stop talking. Couldn't say whether she really feels "better" or not, but she seems to feel as if she's moved through to another status quo.
I will never not feel a certain amount of tension interacting with her. Probably not helped by the part of the conversation where I directly asked her whether or not she wanted a long-term relationship with me and her answer was, "I've given up on having a relationship with my children." Survey says https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVcn4lznUOs . I mean, that's typical of her rhetorical style, but still. It's bad enough that I was prompted to ask the question; that is clearly not on the list of approved answers.
So that happened, and now we get to pretend everything is all normal. Sigh. I am pretty sure I never quite managed to make the point that it doesn't matter how sincere she thinks she is being when she says thank you. It can't wipe out things like that little comment above having occurred. You can't do that stuff and then turn around and say, oh, but I really appreciate you.
*Dad was all stressed out, but this needed to happen, so tough.
Well, that was pleasant. Mom and I had a talk because a thing happened and I decided that we were going to have A Talk because I've had enough.*
So we had A Talk and it ended up taking about 4 hours of our lives that we will neither of us ever get back. Upshot being that she is an angry, anxious, bitter person who has not adjusted to the random and unhoped for state of her life. She would apparently be happier alone per her statements. She definitely resents me being here and is jealous that I can talk to my dad more easily than she at this point in time. She is very angry that life has not made everything work out for everyone (join the club? shit happens?). And holy buffalo chips, batman, does she have a decades long list of resentments. Jimminy Christmas.
Meanwhile, as a friend of mine pointed out recently, I was being the adult (which, btw, frakking sucks when you have to do that with your parent) and did a lot more listening than talking. This took effort. Especially since when I did try to say something she didn't want to stop talking. Couldn't say whether she really feels "better" or not, but she seems to feel as if she's moved through to another status quo.
I will never not feel a certain amount of tension interacting with her. Probably not helped by the part of the conversation where I directly asked her whether or not she wanted a long-term relationship with me and her answer was, "I've given up on having a relationship with my children." Survey says https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVcn4lznUOs . I mean, that's typical of her rhetorical style, but still. It's bad enough that I was prompted to ask the question; that is clearly not on the list of approved answers.
So that happened, and now we get to pretend everything is all normal. Sigh. I am pretty sure I never quite managed to make the point that it doesn't matter how sincere she thinks she is being when she says thank you. It can't wipe out things like that little comment above having occurred. You can't do that stuff and then turn around and say, oh, but I really appreciate you.
*Dad was all stressed out, but this needed to happen, so tough.
((hugs)) & * support *
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