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Of course. Because living with the emotionally ill who deny their illness is insane.
My mom gets exceptionally lucky (thus far) and is not now blind in one eye, or gods forbid lacking an eye altogether. She is told to behave like a post-op patient and given instructions by the doctor and has been complaining since the accident happened that this is just going to ruin her attempts to catch up with things today and tomorrow. Let it the fuck go, Bridget. Oh, and in spite of the fact that she uses sitting in front of the television as her way of relaxing the rest of the time, now it is boring and she is bored.
Meanwhile, I see her bending over and fussing at running the dishwasher and remind her she's not supposed to do that stuff and I was going to take care of things for a couple days so she could rest and take care of her eye (and face, and head, and back, and neck, and hand - did I mention she fell out of bed?). This is her response:
She throws the partially open packet of dishwashing tablet into the clean dishes in the dish drainer on the counter. After it sprays powdered detergent on the dishes it lands on a formerly clean dishtowel. Nice. Thanks. I'll just be recleaning all of that so nobody ingests a potentially harmful alkali, shall I?
Then she asks me if I "want to be in charge". Right, yeah, 'cuz that's what this is about. A control fight. In point of fact, what I want is not to be living with a crazy person who has anxiety and, oh, right, control issues. P.S. bitching at me will not give you back control over the random occurrence of an accident that you should be very, very pleased was not even remotely as horrible as it could have been.
But that's not what's important. What's important is her not doing what the doctor told her to do so she can assuage her dysfunctional anxiety by being horrible to people and potentially causing the eye damage that she has so far managed to avoid. Because losing an eye will make her feel so much more in control.
Do you know what the first thing she said to me when I got to her this morning was? That my dad pushed her out of the bed and it was his fault she fell. Guess what. My dad wasn't even in the bed; he wasn't even in the room. Know why? He hasn't slept properly in at least 3 years because of the cancer and the complications and the treatment and the side effects and the pain, etc. He was in a completely different part of the house and had been for at least an hour, watching TV, which he does sometimes when he can't sleep.
But he pushed her out of the bed and it was his fault she fell.
Do you know what could happen if she said something like that to 911, or a health care provider in an emergency room? Does she really hate him so much that she is lying to herself in a way that would create legal problems for him which would actually create legal problems for her?
Like, how fscked up do you have to be to be in a headspace where you blame someone who wasn't even there for an accident, and then react to someone trying to take care of you by attacking them because they're taking away your control? After the, "Do you want to be in charge?!" business, her next statement was, "I'm in charge!"
Ok, crazy lady, you go on with your hateful self.
P.S. The accident messed up the whole day for two other people, but it's all about you, so, yeah, you just go right on with that.
P.P.S. Between the hateful stuff she says thank you for being there and thank you for helping me. Funny how that just doesn't really mean what you think it means in the context of the rest of it, you know?
Of course. Because living with the emotionally ill who deny their illness is insane.
My mom gets exceptionally lucky (thus far) and is not now blind in one eye, or gods forbid lacking an eye altogether. She is told to behave like a post-op patient and given instructions by the doctor and has been complaining since the accident happened that this is just going to ruin her attempts to catch up with things today and tomorrow. Let it the fuck go, Bridget. Oh, and in spite of the fact that she uses sitting in front of the television as her way of relaxing the rest of the time, now it is boring and she is bored.
Meanwhile, I see her bending over and fussing at running the dishwasher and remind her she's not supposed to do that stuff and I was going to take care of things for a couple days so she could rest and take care of her eye (and face, and head, and back, and neck, and hand - did I mention she fell out of bed?). This is her response:
She throws the partially open packet of dishwashing tablet into the clean dishes in the dish drainer on the counter. After it sprays powdered detergent on the dishes it lands on a formerly clean dishtowel. Nice. Thanks. I'll just be recleaning all of that so nobody ingests a potentially harmful alkali, shall I?
Then she asks me if I "want to be in charge". Right, yeah, 'cuz that's what this is about. A control fight. In point of fact, what I want is not to be living with a crazy person who has anxiety and, oh, right, control issues. P.S. bitching at me will not give you back control over the random occurrence of an accident that you should be very, very pleased was not even remotely as horrible as it could have been.
But that's not what's important. What's important is her not doing what the doctor told her to do so she can assuage her dysfunctional anxiety by being horrible to people and potentially causing the eye damage that she has so far managed to avoid. Because losing an eye will make her feel so much more in control.
Do you know what the first thing she said to me when I got to her this morning was? That my dad pushed her out of the bed and it was his fault she fell. Guess what. My dad wasn't even in the bed; he wasn't even in the room. Know why? He hasn't slept properly in at least 3 years because of the cancer and the complications and the treatment and the side effects and the pain, etc. He was in a completely different part of the house and had been for at least an hour, watching TV, which he does sometimes when he can't sleep.
But he pushed her out of the bed and it was his fault she fell.
Do you know what could happen if she said something like that to 911, or a health care provider in an emergency room? Does she really hate him so much that she is lying to herself in a way that would create legal problems for him which would actually create legal problems for her?
Like, how fscked up do you have to be to be in a headspace where you blame someone who wasn't even there for an accident, and then react to someone trying to take care of you by attacking them because they're taking away your control? After the, "Do you want to be in charge?!" business, her next statement was, "I'm in charge!"
Ok, crazy lady, you go on with your hateful self.
P.S. The accident messed up the whole day for two other people, but it's all about you, so, yeah, you just go right on with that.
P.P.S. Between the hateful stuff she says thank you for being there and thank you for helping me. Funny how that just doesn't really mean what you think it means in the context of the rest of it, you know?
((hugs)) Love you.
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