Documenting so I don't feel insane.
Documenting so I don't feel insane.
My mother is absolutely brilliant at passive aggressive manipulation.
I made some dinner and told people it was available if they were interested. Later, I told people if they were going to have any, have it now or it wasn't available but if they wanted to grab it now, I'd wait to clean up. My mother indicated she'd already had some, my dad said he didn't feel like having any.
My mother then proceeded to tell me to put some aside for my dad. I asked her if she had what she wanted for herself; she said yes. I asked my dad if he wanted any; he said no. My mother spun a variation on telling me to put some aside for my dad. I tried again to explain that this was not one of the given options. Eat now, if you want to, or there is no later. (Because if there were any left, I was freezing it to have for myself later.) She said she didn't understand. I tried again. This is a one time offer, this evening only. This cycled again and I said if Dad wanted some for dinner, it was now, otherwise, no big deal. She insisted. My dad finally said, "Just tell me what I think so I know." My mother again said put a portion in the fridge for your dad. Who didn't want any.
Essentially, she bullies the crap out of you until you are either willing to get into a fight with her, whereupon there will be tears and recriminations because she is always only thinking of others, or you just give up and she wins again. It's a really pathetic way of always getting your way but making it out to be you doing something for someone else. Who didn't ask and doesn't want it. Who also had better not be anything other than demonstrably grateful, or boy, will they hear it.
And I no longer believe that she is innocently not hearing you or not understanding you. I think it's willful and she hears and understands quite well. It's an act of innocence for manipulative purposes. If someone keeps repeating isn't the sky green? in response to every time you say, no, the sky is blue, eventually you will just give up. You may even say fine, it's green, whatever, before you walk away.
It reminds me forcibly of the scenes in "Mona Lisa Smile" where the mother manipulates her daughter into manipulating her fiance over how their wedding (and life) is going to go. It really makes you question your sanity.
My mother is absolutely brilliant at passive aggressive manipulation.
I made some dinner and told people it was available if they were interested. Later, I told people if they were going to have any, have it now or it wasn't available but if they wanted to grab it now, I'd wait to clean up. My mother indicated she'd already had some, my dad said he didn't feel like having any.
My mother then proceeded to tell me to put some aside for my dad. I asked her if she had what she wanted for herself; she said yes. I asked my dad if he wanted any; he said no. My mother spun a variation on telling me to put some aside for my dad. I tried again to explain that this was not one of the given options. Eat now, if you want to, or there is no later. (Because if there were any left, I was freezing it to have for myself later.) She said she didn't understand. I tried again. This is a one time offer, this evening only. This cycled again and I said if Dad wanted some for dinner, it was now, otherwise, no big deal. She insisted. My dad finally said, "Just tell me what I think so I know." My mother again said put a portion in the fridge for your dad. Who didn't want any.
Essentially, she bullies the crap out of you until you are either willing to get into a fight with her, whereupon there will be tears and recriminations because she is always only thinking of others, or you just give up and she wins again. It's a really pathetic way of always getting your way but making it out to be you doing something for someone else. Who didn't ask and doesn't want it. Who also had better not be anything other than demonstrably grateful, or boy, will they hear it.
And I no longer believe that she is innocently not hearing you or not understanding you. I think it's willful and she hears and understands quite well. It's an act of innocence for manipulative purposes. If someone keeps repeating isn't the sky green? in response to every time you say, no, the sky is blue, eventually you will just give up. You may even say fine, it's green, whatever, before you walk away.
It reminds me forcibly of the scenes in "Mona Lisa Smile" where the mother manipulates her daughter into manipulating her fiance over how their wedding (and life) is going to go. It really makes you question your sanity.
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