Today is turning out to be a real winner in the experiences department.
Today is turning out to be a real winner in the experiences department. I shall only share one more with the wide world of sports, aka tiny tolerant circle.
I have been programmed from youth that "polite" meant you basically never challenged the salesperson or customer service person or whatever. In general, you're never supposed to get upset, or be demanding, etc. You should at all costs apologize for taking up their time or imposing on them.
So why am I torturing you guys with this? Because there is a commentary running through my head that you should always give people second chances, and that everybody has a bad day, and that you shouldn't let one bad experience erase a bunch of good ones, etc. And there are times that is true.
But I am starting to learn that it is, in fact, ok to expect better of people, and to expect them not to treat you poorly and yet have you come back for more. I'm allowed to judge people and to not make excuses for them and to stand up for myself and say you threw negative energy on me and I will not enable that. I am not expendable to me, but you are, so if the one time is sufficiently unpleasant, it is completely fine for me to say no.
Today, I went out of my way to get to this place that makes bread. It's very good bread, it's a real local co-op bakery, they use flour from the regional farm that is certified organic, so it's genuinely 100% local organic whole wheat. They do sometimes sell it other places, but if you want it sliced, you have to go to the bakery. Excuse me while I now apologize to you for wanting my bread sliced, but it's kind of a pain, difficult to get normal thickness slices, and it makes a mess and the bread is already sufficiently pricier that I just want it sliced. OK.
Anyway, I've never, ever gotten the attitude I got today. The person who answered the window cut me off before I even finished saying what I was there to buy, and then launched into a litany of what they did have, where I could possibly get the bread I finally managed to say I had wanted, and when I said, well, I make a point of coming here because none of the other places will slice the bread, basically said that's too bad, and closed the window in my face before I could really say anything else.
I don't know how to explain the body language, tone of voice, and facial expression, but it was pretty clear that she was in a hurry, I was bothering her, and that my business was of no interest. I've been working really hard on not letting people bully me, and this was well within the definition of bullying, so I turned around after I walked back to my car and walked back and ended up speaking to one of the other co-op members.
I told her I know people have bad days, and obviously that was happening (because I just can't shake the early training and have to make some kind of excuse for other people's bad behavior), but that it still wasn't ok to cut me off before I finished even one whole sentence and before I even said why I was there. That on top of that, to make it clear that my business was of no interest was not ok when I went out of my way to come to their bakery, which was nowhere near where I lived. And some other stuff.
The response I got was we're sorry, thanks for telling us. That's it. The I learned customer service from a textbook response with an inoffensive, but also an I don't really care aura. No, I'm so sorry, we value everybody's business, we want to keep you as a customer, what can we do, or any of that sort of thing. Just, oh, ok, sorry.
I'm glad they're doing so well that they can assume any individual customer they blow off is inconsequential, but I don't need their bread, either. So I won't be buying it.
The irony is that the reason I knew you could get it sliced at the bakery is because when I started buying their stuff at farmers markets, they told me that I could order it ahead and they'd slice it and I could pick it up at the farmers market, or I could go to the bakery and get it sliced all year. And I've done that off and on for a year and a half since. Unfortunately, today I got a couple of real winners (who were two of the main co-op owners on top of everything) and I just don't need that.
I have been programmed from youth that "polite" meant you basically never challenged the salesperson or customer service person or whatever. In general, you're never supposed to get upset, or be demanding, etc. You should at all costs apologize for taking up their time or imposing on them.
So why am I torturing you guys with this? Because there is a commentary running through my head that you should always give people second chances, and that everybody has a bad day, and that you shouldn't let one bad experience erase a bunch of good ones, etc. And there are times that is true.
But I am starting to learn that it is, in fact, ok to expect better of people, and to expect them not to treat you poorly and yet have you come back for more. I'm allowed to judge people and to not make excuses for them and to stand up for myself and say you threw negative energy on me and I will not enable that. I am not expendable to me, but you are, so if the one time is sufficiently unpleasant, it is completely fine for me to say no.
Today, I went out of my way to get to this place that makes bread. It's very good bread, it's a real local co-op bakery, they use flour from the regional farm that is certified organic, so it's genuinely 100% local organic whole wheat. They do sometimes sell it other places, but if you want it sliced, you have to go to the bakery. Excuse me while I now apologize to you for wanting my bread sliced, but it's kind of a pain, difficult to get normal thickness slices, and it makes a mess and the bread is already sufficiently pricier that I just want it sliced. OK.
Anyway, I've never, ever gotten the attitude I got today. The person who answered the window cut me off before I even finished saying what I was there to buy, and then launched into a litany of what they did have, where I could possibly get the bread I finally managed to say I had wanted, and when I said, well, I make a point of coming here because none of the other places will slice the bread, basically said that's too bad, and closed the window in my face before I could really say anything else.
I don't know how to explain the body language, tone of voice, and facial expression, but it was pretty clear that she was in a hurry, I was bothering her, and that my business was of no interest. I've been working really hard on not letting people bully me, and this was well within the definition of bullying, so I turned around after I walked back to my car and walked back and ended up speaking to one of the other co-op members.
I told her I know people have bad days, and obviously that was happening (because I just can't shake the early training and have to make some kind of excuse for other people's bad behavior), but that it still wasn't ok to cut me off before I finished even one whole sentence and before I even said why I was there. That on top of that, to make it clear that my business was of no interest was not ok when I went out of my way to come to their bakery, which was nowhere near where I lived. And some other stuff.
The response I got was we're sorry, thanks for telling us. That's it. The I learned customer service from a textbook response with an inoffensive, but also an I don't really care aura. No, I'm so sorry, we value everybody's business, we want to keep you as a customer, what can we do, or any of that sort of thing. Just, oh, ok, sorry.
I'm glad they're doing so well that they can assume any individual customer they blow off is inconsequential, but I don't need their bread, either. So I won't be buying it.
The irony is that the reason I knew you could get it sliced at the bakery is because when I started buying their stuff at farmers markets, they told me that I could order it ahead and they'd slice it and I could pick it up at the farmers market, or I could go to the bakery and get it sliced all year. And I've done that off and on for a year and a half since. Unfortunately, today I got a couple of real winners (who were two of the main co-op owners on top of everything) and I just don't need that.
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