More thoughts on something inspired by someone else's post about harassment and abuse in the workplace.
More thoughts on something inspired by someone else's post about harassment and abuse in the workplace.
No HR - I've seen this so many places. Generalization based on my experiences - everybody hates HR, HR is the butt of all the jokes, HR doesn't do anything,etc. This makes it a great idea to not incur the expense of people who don't do anything a company needs, especially a smaller company where one salary and benefits can be a significant percentage cost.
Except this is exactly what HR is supposed to be there for, not that it always works this way. An uninvolved third party whose only interest would be to maintain standards, offer education, and set up and enforce problem addressing plans and firing if there's not change to the standards set in those plans. Of course, leadership has to empower HR to do this and not undermine it. Good luck with that.
Why don't women report? Because they lose. Even if the company goes through the motions as if they believe you, now you are the one who causes trouble, who complains, who's not a team player. Sure she's a good worker, but, you know, you can't say anything in front of her. Etc.
Which is an interesting social commentary itself, since that makes it clear that the team is not concerned with being the best possible humans and workers they can be and bringing everybody up to the highest imaginable standards to everyone's benefit (which probably correlates to higher productivity), but rather conformity, uniformity, unquestioning loyalty and self-sacrifice.
Why in supposedly liberal/progressive/enlightened spaces? Because it's assumed it will not happen there. Therefore, it did not happen there. It violates their image. You need very strong leadership to face up and say, hey, what are we preaching to everyone else for if we can't keep our own house in order? Plus, there's an awful lot of that smug entitlement and privilege thing. We don't need training, we already know it all.
For certain kinds of Federal research funding you are required to go through what they call Ethics training. It's fairly extensive. While it obviously focuses on human subjects and care of animals, it also includes things like diversity and harassment.
When we did the harassment training it was amazing how many men wanted to know how they could be safe from being accused of harassment, since everything could be harassment. Many of them expressed a sense of having to worry all the time that anything they said or did could be harassment.
Even after it was explained that it's simple - don't touch without permission, and if someone says you've said something that makes them uncomfortable, apologize and don't do it again.
If you're really confused and genuinely want to understand so you don't do it again, feel free to ask for some insight into how it was distressing so you can model different behavior in future. But if they aren't interested in discussing, drop it. Ask HR or a mentor for education. Do Not give people grief about being too sensitive or politically correct or whatever and do Not start a whispered gossip campaign against them for bruising your ego.
I think I heard someone say something like "be a mensch", which they had to explain, but I'd say it's called grow-up, take responsibility, and accept that the world is not all about you and what you want. You might even like some of how it works if you get out of your own way.
P.S. The harassment training included scenarios where there was a woman doing the harassing and non-heterosexual harassing. So much pearl clutching. Yet it was men who expressed worry about being accused by women of something.
Lastly, this isn't any different than any other kind of bias. Everyone has to agree to call it out as unacceptable in a constructive way, not a stone 'em in the square way. And it has to be consistent and all the time. Yes, the jokes and unconscious language things have to be looked at and probably altered a lot or even discarded. It's ok. There are other words and phrases and humor has yet to die of evolving social consciousness.
And you know what? Social awkwardness my aunt gluteus. I've met many people who were really autistic or asperger's. They don't selectively misunderstand when it is or isn't ok to leer and grope and neg. Actually, they are usually trying really hard to understand and work with the social clues we all take for granted, if they are out there interacting much at all.
In most social structures in the animal world there're some very clear rules, as well. Consequences for violation of which are frequently severe or permanent. So don't try the it's just nature line, either. That's just a sign you don't get it. You'd be lucky if they kept you around as the omega for laughs, and that's some nasty bullying, right there.
So here's a second stuff it and grow up for the people who want an excuse to act like hormonal teenagers in a world of no consequences (for them).
No HR - I've seen this so many places. Generalization based on my experiences - everybody hates HR, HR is the butt of all the jokes, HR doesn't do anything,etc. This makes it a great idea to not incur the expense of people who don't do anything a company needs, especially a smaller company where one salary and benefits can be a significant percentage cost.
Except this is exactly what HR is supposed to be there for, not that it always works this way. An uninvolved third party whose only interest would be to maintain standards, offer education, and set up and enforce problem addressing plans and firing if there's not change to the standards set in those plans. Of course, leadership has to empower HR to do this and not undermine it. Good luck with that.
Why don't women report? Because they lose. Even if the company goes through the motions as if they believe you, now you are the one who causes trouble, who complains, who's not a team player. Sure she's a good worker, but, you know, you can't say anything in front of her. Etc.
Which is an interesting social commentary itself, since that makes it clear that the team is not concerned with being the best possible humans and workers they can be and bringing everybody up to the highest imaginable standards to everyone's benefit (which probably correlates to higher productivity), but rather conformity, uniformity, unquestioning loyalty and self-sacrifice.
Why in supposedly liberal/progressive/enlightened spaces? Because it's assumed it will not happen there. Therefore, it did not happen there. It violates their image. You need very strong leadership to face up and say, hey, what are we preaching to everyone else for if we can't keep our own house in order? Plus, there's an awful lot of that smug entitlement and privilege thing. We don't need training, we already know it all.
For certain kinds of Federal research funding you are required to go through what they call Ethics training. It's fairly extensive. While it obviously focuses on human subjects and care of animals, it also includes things like diversity and harassment.
When we did the harassment training it was amazing how many men wanted to know how they could be safe from being accused of harassment, since everything could be harassment. Many of them expressed a sense of having to worry all the time that anything they said or did could be harassment.
Even after it was explained that it's simple - don't touch without permission, and if someone says you've said something that makes them uncomfortable, apologize and don't do it again.
If you're really confused and genuinely want to understand so you don't do it again, feel free to ask for some insight into how it was distressing so you can model different behavior in future. But if they aren't interested in discussing, drop it. Ask HR or a mentor for education. Do Not give people grief about being too sensitive or politically correct or whatever and do Not start a whispered gossip campaign against them for bruising your ego.
I think I heard someone say something like "be a mensch", which they had to explain, but I'd say it's called grow-up, take responsibility, and accept that the world is not all about you and what you want. You might even like some of how it works if you get out of your own way.
P.S. The harassment training included scenarios where there was a woman doing the harassing and non-heterosexual harassing. So much pearl clutching. Yet it was men who expressed worry about being accused by women of something.
Lastly, this isn't any different than any other kind of bias. Everyone has to agree to call it out as unacceptable in a constructive way, not a stone 'em in the square way. And it has to be consistent and all the time. Yes, the jokes and unconscious language things have to be looked at and probably altered a lot or even discarded. It's ok. There are other words and phrases and humor has yet to die of evolving social consciousness.
And you know what? Social awkwardness my aunt gluteus. I've met many people who were really autistic or asperger's. They don't selectively misunderstand when it is or isn't ok to leer and grope and neg. Actually, they are usually trying really hard to understand and work with the social clues we all take for granted, if they are out there interacting much at all.
In most social structures in the animal world there're some very clear rules, as well. Consequences for violation of which are frequently severe or permanent. So don't try the it's just nature line, either. That's just a sign you don't get it. You'd be lucky if they kept you around as the omega for laughs, and that's some nasty bullying, right there.
So here's a second stuff it and grow up for the people who want an excuse to act like hormonal teenagers in a world of no consequences (for them).
Well, right. Among other things because they do what they are told. So it has to come top down. And hahaha nevermind.
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