Oh, ye counselors, wise and temperate -

Oh, ye counselors, wise and temperate - 

My mom had an issue with one of her eyes, and I made some suggestions. The immediate response was I don't want to talk to you, I'm talking to your father. My father just looked at me, because I promise he was thinking exactly what I was. To wit, oh, ok, I have/she has no professional expertise, here, so sure, no problem ... wtf? So I just walked away, because there was no point.

Today, mom tells me oh, btw, my eye is all better because of the things she did. As in, mom came up with brilliant ideas all by herself and I should now be terribly impressed how she knew what she was doing all along. The part which is sad to me is that what I originally suggested was basically that she do what she was doing and here's what should prompt you to go from self treat to seeing doctor. I never said there was anything wrong with what she was doing, and she doesn't have to prove to me that she knows better than a professional/doesn't need my input. Congrats, you can survive on your own. I know she has massive insecurities about this, but random deities, people, could she please get over this? 

And then there was something else, which she took the time and trouble to resolve. When she told me about it I said thank you for taking the time to figure it out and fix it. Then she kept going with all of her suggestions, which is what the rest of the world would call brainstorming out loud. I said thanks, I'll think about some of that but this other idea doesn't work for me. For which I got told that if she gives me suggestions I should just say thank you. Like I was five. You know, the "just say thank you" speech.

See, I forgot. She can be bitter and negative if the mood strikes her, but if she graces us with her wisdom, we should be honored to receive it, like the gentle rain from heaven. Right. So I should treat you like a stranger or a grating co-worker and just keep saying thanks, thanks very much, thank you for your input, gee thanks, thanks for that. And then have a sudden and urgent need to excuse myself to go to the bathroom so I can get away from the unending stream of consciousness to which I am not supposed to respond in any way other than gratefulness for how wonderful it was of you to speak to me. Yes, we have very different communication styles.

I do not know how to deal with this, for values of needing to not be in proximity and lots of deep breaths.