Ok.
Ok. Dad is home and uncomfortable, but stable. Mom left that person at the ER when they took him in and came home. She is apparently going to call the ER to find out how he is and see what is going on. In theory, primarily to make sure he doesn't just show up here in the middle of the night.
Meanwhile, she is going to park his car in our driveway - because she is worried about his things being stolen out of it. In fact, she is thinking she should park his car in the garage and leave her car on the street. Right. Do I need to explain what I think is wrong with this?
Yes, fine, it would be terrible if his things got stolen by someone opportunistic. How the hell is it her responsibility? Yes, it is everything he owns in this world. I'm sorry. Great, she remembers him before he was an adult. AIR, his father had to bail him out of something when he was a teenager, and that only worked because it was family. She feels bad because his lousy childhood made him a dangerous narcissist? Great. Again, algebra of necessity sucks, but how far does someone have to go before you do something to protect yourself?
She keeps repeating that you don't abandon family. Ok. That is super admirable. Judeo-Christian ethics can probably justify that all day long. I'll bet there's something in there, too, though, about not having to sacrifice yourself (and your family) under unreasonable circumstances. Unless maybe you're bucking for sainthood or prophet status. Since she's definitely going for neither of those, we would respectfully appreciate it if she got neither herself nor the rest of us screwed over.
She can't do it. She can't let it go. Unless he out and out threatens her (or us), she will not see it. If you'd like to keep tabs over an entire lifetime, I'll rephrase that to unless he threatens her and us again in the immediate present. Oh, yes, that is exactly what I meant. Sorry. There is a point at which you simply cannot trust some people and they cannot be around. For your own sanity and self-preservation.
Remember John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons, where he kept repeating, "It's beyond my control."? Granted, he was being a complete ass (and, coincidentally, narcissistic), but yeah. My mom keeps repeating, "I don't abandon family." like it's a mantra, like she's trying to convince herself, like she's hanging onto it for dear life. Which is exactly what Malkovich's character was doing. Things did not turn out well for him. I am really concerned about my mom, and by extension, what crap she's going to incur that we will all have to deal with. I am very, very concerned.
Meanwhile, she is going to park his car in our driveway - because she is worried about his things being stolen out of it. In fact, she is thinking she should park his car in the garage and leave her car on the street. Right. Do I need to explain what I think is wrong with this?
Yes, fine, it would be terrible if his things got stolen by someone opportunistic. How the hell is it her responsibility? Yes, it is everything he owns in this world. I'm sorry. Great, she remembers him before he was an adult. AIR, his father had to bail him out of something when he was a teenager, and that only worked because it was family. She feels bad because his lousy childhood made him a dangerous narcissist? Great. Again, algebra of necessity sucks, but how far does someone have to go before you do something to protect yourself?
She keeps repeating that you don't abandon family. Ok. That is super admirable. Judeo-Christian ethics can probably justify that all day long. I'll bet there's something in there, too, though, about not having to sacrifice yourself (and your family) under unreasonable circumstances. Unless maybe you're bucking for sainthood or prophet status. Since she's definitely going for neither of those, we would respectfully appreciate it if she got neither herself nor the rest of us screwed over.
She can't do it. She can't let it go. Unless he out and out threatens her (or us), she will not see it. If you'd like to keep tabs over an entire lifetime, I'll rephrase that to unless he threatens her and us again in the immediate present. Oh, yes, that is exactly what I meant. Sorry. There is a point at which you simply cannot trust some people and they cannot be around. For your own sanity and self-preservation.
Remember John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons, where he kept repeating, "It's beyond my control."? Granted, he was being a complete ass (and, coincidentally, narcissistic), but yeah. My mom keeps repeating, "I don't abandon family." like it's a mantra, like she's trying to convince herself, like she's hanging onto it for dear life. Which is exactly what Malkovich's character was doing. Things did not turn out well for him. I am really concerned about my mom, and by extension, what crap she's going to incur that we will all have to deal with. I am very, very concerned.
I'm all about not abandoning family. But family is SO not the same thing as blood relatives. This dude ain't family.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I could not think of the right words for it. I really want someone to explain that to my mom. Not that she can hear it, right now. She's beating the crap out of herself and she won't even go get help for herself. For him, but not herself. I wonder if there is something subconscious that she does not want to hear or does not want to deal with.
ReplyDeleteso tired
headdesk