I wish I could just share the entire copy of the job openings that have been sent to me.

I wish I could just share the entire copy of the job openings that have been sent to me. I have repeatedly and in writing made it clear that I am not interested in jobs outside the Great Lakes/Upper Midwest region, nor in small towns. And yet ... Maybe these are only mind-bendy to me. Or maybe it's just the hard-sell that is turning me off.

"Our founder has never missed opening day of hunting season." (O.o  ...  Do I get free elk steaks?)

"Where night skies dance with the emerald glow of the Northern Lights."  (ok, so at least it's possibly the midwest? )

"You need not apply if… your primary drivers are controlling the destiny of others..." (copywriters what?)

"Have you ever wished you could live In the sunny southwest ..." (so, not the midwest then)

"Imagine the Most Amazing Place To Work" (o, r'lyeh?)

"We’re looking for a gentle, kind hearted, ... " (Santa Claus is not available, but Dr. House is.)

"Practice is located between the mountains and white sandy beaches of the Atlantic Ocean ... southeast region..." (So, not the midwest. Also, is there some mountain range closer to the coast than the Appalachians? Because I do not recall this aspect of southeastern geography, and those mountains are not close to the coast.)